Author’s Note: What is written below is more of a commentary on the story and characters of this movie, and less an artistic review. Apologies for any confusion!
So I’m up in the middle of the night, wanting to work on some writing stuff and character design. Separately, I’ve been in the mood for a Victorian movie that doesn’t have a lot going on. I’ve had The Piano on my Netflix queue for a while, and decided to check it out.
I will never get that two hours back, nor will I ever understand why piano music suddenly drove everyone in New Zealand mad.
For a synopsis, I’d like to direct you to the IMDB entry on this creep-fest.
Now, I understand that culture shock is a cruel mistress. It can make you do some nutty things you probably wouldn’t have done otherwise. These things may include dating someone you wouldn’t have otherwise considered, or spending entirely too much time alone in your quarters chatting with friends in your home country on the computer, or even going out on a drinking binge with a few locals until you make yourself goofy.
What it doesn’t include is:
— Marrying someone you’ve never met.
— Denying that new spouse the only thing they really wanted to bring with them.
— Making a creepy deal with a creepy native man who pretty much stole that one thing you care about. Creepily.
— Cutting off your wife’s finger because she had an affair.
Etcetera and so on.
Seriously, I had no idea who to root for by the end. The little girl, I guess. The natives, maybe? Save for Creepyman McDealypants? (Then again, letting your pre-pubescent kids hump and make out with trees may explain why he was so very creepy in the first place!!)
I realize that most women who watch this movie love it. I will never understand why! Perhaps it’s because I’ve been a fan of Emilie Autumn, and recall in way too vivid detail her description of how very disturbing it is to have sexual things going on with your one-man audience while one female artiste is actively trying to ignore it. (See her book The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls for further details.)
I guess I should have suspected something when I saw that Sam Neil was a main character. I should have known then that this movie wasn’t on the up-n-up. (Being a dinosaur scientist was just about the most normal role he’s ever played, I swear!) I should have known then that the bowels of Hades were going to be unleashed in the weirdest, most disconcerting way possible.
But NOPE! I continued on. And now, I realize that I was right to avoid this movie all these years, but that I was avoiding it for all the wrong reasons!
My advice: Don’t avoid this movie because it might be boring. Avoid it for the full-frontal male nudity, the creepy deals people make for musical instrument access, and general spousal abuse.
In other words, avoid it because there’s better things to watch and read out there. Things that don’t echo with the sound of a million crazed maniacs.
(Gah. Itches in my brain. *scritch scritch scritch*)
Sidenote: For a movie named The Piano, it’s surprisingly hard to find screen captures of just the piano itself. I just…I don’t understand…..