Creativity and Impatience

To [write] fiction or non-fiction; THAT is the question!
To [write] fiction or non-fiction; THAT is the question!

Camp NaNo approaches!  Just another week, and it will be here!

I have to admit, I’ve been second-guessing my topic a lot lately.  While I know the memoir needs to be written, there are quite a few Lovecraftian-like monsters dwelling in there that I don’t want to unearth!

But still, I’m going to at least attempt it.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

Right. Read more

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The Achiever Quandry

PLANNING

I am a great planner.  I can plan like nobody’s business!

But actually sticking to said plan, now  that’s something else entirely!

Inevitably, if I set an alarm to go off at a certain time, I will hit the snooze button, wondering in my half-asleep brain why in all of creation I set it for so early.  It won’t be until I’ve finally been awake for a while that I’ll realize why I set it for that time, and what I meant to do.

This is about the time that I start feeling really down on myself.  What kind of weak person lets sleep get the better of them?  Surely I can manage a simple thing like getting up when the alarm goes off!

These kinds of thoughts continue until I’m downright stymied with self-pity, and I’m having myself a nice old fashioned party while wallowing in my own low self-esteem.

Thus, I’m going to endeavor to stop feeling sorry for myself, and take control of my day.  Even though I stayed up until 3 AM (a luxury often only bestowed on the jobless or night job person), I’m going to endeavor to stay up the rest of the day.

Instead of wallowing in self-pity if I do in fact give in to the very basic need of rest, I’m not going to feel sorry for myself.  If I’m still up at midnight, I’m going to do laundry.  Or, I’ll write.  I’ll put down the controller and leave Fallout:  New Vegas and Fallout 3 for another time.

I’ll do the things I well-intended to do during the day, except at night.

What’s more, I’ll try once again to make a plan that works.  One that’s simple, manageable, and above all, realistic.

A plan very similar to what Jim Franklin is doing over on his blog, Write Way Around.  

My list won’t be as extensive as his, nor will it be as bold as Jon Acuff’s.  But, it will exist, and I will endeavor to accomplish it.

But only by God’s Will, and His Blessing, because I just don’t have it in me to keep with it on my own.  (What I’m saying is that yes, I need divine intervention to help me out, folks.  🙂 )

When the list is finished, I’ll share it with you good folks.

Viva la 2013!

QUESTION FOR YOU FOLKS:

What is your plan for the upcoming year?  The upcoming month?  Week?  Next 24 hours?  

The Feminist Prerogative.

 

I realize that a lot of you (all three of you) have your hackles up right now just from the title of this post.  I urge you to push them down.  Or, if that’s impossible, you may want to avoid this post altogether so that you don’t have a heart attack and die.

Continuing on, eh?

Well, ok then.  Don’t say I never tried to look out for you.  🙂

 

This is a topic I’ve been meaning to write on for a while, but it’s become more keen to me in the last month or so.  Ever since I lost my job, I’ve been much happier than I have in years.  And, oddly enough, part of that has been from having the freedom and the time to Get Things Done.

I don’t mean novels or video games or anything like that.  I’m talking about chores.

Laundry.  Dishes.  Vacuuming.  Making the bed.  Grocery shopping.

I actually have the energy to do these things now.  The motivation.

Granted, I’m still not perfect at it, nor is it something I consider a higher priority than my physical health, but I’m able to do it!

What’s more, I’m having a harder and harder time trying to convince myself that I want to both take care of home stuff AND have a full-time job.  I don’t know if it’s just because I can’t handle much pressure, or if part of me considers home-making to be a full-time job in and of itself, but I’d rather be at home getting things neat and organized than sitting in an office staring at a computer screen for 8 hours a day.

Yet, when I was a teenager, it was impressed upon me by no one in particular that if I can’t do both, and do both IMMACULATEY, then I was some kind of traitor to feminist ideals.

This, my friends, is of course ridiculous.

The point of feminism, the original point, was to give women the same rights as men…not pile more duties on to us than we already had!

Unfortunately, it’s the latter that has somehow become the norm rather than the former.  We have the right to vote (which honestly does no good in this country when you start thinking about how the electoral college works), we have the right to hold a job (even though we usually get paid less for the same work), and we have the right to drive (which I sometimes wish I didn’t, so I wouldn’t be expected to).

My brain behind the wheel.

 

So, while I enjoy the freedoms I have to the nth degree, I sometimes find myself wishing that the expectations weren’t as grand.

I’m only one little flawed human being.  I can only do so much, Feminazis.  And, God help me, I’d rather do chores than have a regular job and try to “do it all”.

Question:  Do you think my use of Feminazi is appropriate here?  Too strong?  Not strong enough?  What are your thoughts on feminism?

The Coffee Shop Inspiration

The sound of the self-employed and the studious enveloped her as she walked through the door of the coffee shop.

This was the reason she came here.  This was why she had forced herself to get dressed, grab her laptop and MP3 player, and take the short drive down to the corner.

It always inspired her, the activity in this place.  People working on their dreams, people talking about their experiences, people simply wanting to find a nice place to read the newspaper.  It was one of the few places she could come and be among people without having to interact with them.  She could observe, think, and write all at the same time.

At the house, the only thing to observe was the dog and whatever was on television.  The dog slept most of the time, and television got endlessly boring after so long.

No, this was much better.  She could think here in a way that home just didn’t usually afford.

All she had to do was remember her headphones to block out the million sounds of conversations around her and mediocre music coming from the speakers.

As long as she had her music and her laptop, it was the perfect place to watch.  The perfect place to relax.

The perfect place…to write.

Just a small blurb on how I’m feeling this morning.  🙂

Question:  Where are you and what are you doing this fine Hump Day morning?

The Napping Conundrum (Or, How I Slowly Drive Myself Crazy)

I’m freaking out!

Why are you freaking out?

Because there’s too much to plan for, too much to find out, too much to do!!1

Start with the dishes, then.

STUPID DISHES I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM!!1

That’s a lot of hate..

I know…I know! But…I don’t know!! Do I do chores first THEN work on free-lancing?! Or do I search Free-lancing for like an hour and then do laundry!! AND I HAVE AIKIDO TONIGHT AND NOTHING PLANNED FOR DINNER!!! AAAUUUUGGGHHH!!!1

You seriously need to calm down.

YOU calm down!

I’m calm. I’m always calm. I’m the calm, cool voice of reason.

Did you just say I was crazy?!

.What…? No, I-

I’M NOT CRAZY!!!1

Yes you are, but that’s besides the point.

*sits on the floor and throws a tantrum*

*waits*

Do you feel better now?

*Gets up*

Yeah, I…I think I do.

So…what’s your plan going to be? 🙂

Dishes, possibly clothes, then work on freelance stuff.

There you go.

But what about nap time?!?!

What about it? You need to get used to staying awake during the day, girlie.

But I CAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaAAAaaaaaAAaAaAAan’t!!!!

Yes, you can. Treat your body right, and you’ll discover all sorts of new and awesome ways to be.

Party-pooper. Nap-ruiner!

Yeah yeah, whatever.

But…but what about my stories?! I want to write them, but I DON’T want to write them!!! AUGH WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!! *flails around in a panic*

Sigh.

You’ll get to it. If nothing else, use NaNo to get into the groove in a week or whatever.

Oh. Yeah. Right. But still…!!!! I always said that if I got away from the daily grind that I’d wake up in the morning and do nothing but write write write until all my crap was written!!1

Fine! Then write after you do the dishes.

I dun wanna. Want nap!

NO NAPS!! Good gravy, you are stubborn!

I now has sad face. 😦

Look, just…focus on one thing at a time. Do the dishes and/or clothes, then do whatever else. But whatever you do, do your best to avoid napping.

Yes, ma’am..

Good. Glad we’ve got that out of the way.

So…

Yes?

No nap..?

AAAAAUUUUGGGHHH!!!!11

The Freelance Shuffle

Catchphrase courtesy of local friends. 🙂

Finding work as a beginning freelancer is an interesting experience, especially for a “realist” like myself.

On the one hand, I am grateful for friends who have given me some excellent advice and possibly even leads with English tutoring and the like.

On the other, I don’t fully trust the Internet.

Don’t get me wrong; the Internet can be an awesome, wonderful source for encouragement and job/career sources.  But, how do you know what to trust?  How do you know where to post your profile?  What about the ever-paranoid fear that some weirdo stalker will find your profile on MonsterJobs.com?  These are the kinds of thoughts running through my mind.

I have to remember that, as scary as the world can be, I have a Guardian, a God who loves me and who is willing to help me if I will only ask for that help.  I have to remember that all these paranoid fears are just that – Paranoia.  I’ve never been stalked, my life has never been seriousely threatened by another person (though there have been some less-than-friendly animals I’ve run into), and in general, I feel like I know how to avoid bad situations when I’m out and about on my own.

I need to remember all this, and continue relying on the greatest Protector and Motivator of them all, and not give in to the fear and anxiety that the enemy throws my way.

Even if the enemy is me.  🙂

Question:  How do you deal with job/career search anxiety and fear?  What are the best and worst methods you’ve found of dealing with such things?